… to Saddam’s ‘Mother of All Wars’ Engineering Works. Now that’s what I call an armament factory with a proper name – not like BAE systems etc

Incidentally there have been complaints that the Iraqis are being too helpful – such as opening the gates of inspection sites – having the managers there to greet the inspectors – and even having tea ready.

… and yet we blast the country to kingdom come if they delay the inspectors going in – possibly the Iraqis have an incentive to do it right.

… to those people that say Iraq does not respect free speech – let me make this clear – every Iraqi has the right to complain about Saddam – once – in his lifetime – think about it

Listening to the online radio – the BBC 4 programme ‘the News Quiz‘ . You can hear repeats – good British satire – but you have to know British news.

Well the sound was very quiet.

Checked the sound software – pushed sounds of to maximum – played around with balance – CD balance – WAV controls – MIDI balance – no real change except sound only comes out of one speaker now.

Investigated the Creative Sounds folder – frightening – lots of programs – that do technical things – each program very scary – went had coffee.

Came back and solved the problem.

The sound control on the speaker was turned down.

… so if you want a full explanation of the EAX Sound Mixer – don’t ask me.

… that is paying me a pittance for my car – are telling me that I have to send them all the documents – that I have already sent them – and with which they already needed to process the claim – again.

I can’t because you have them and I do not – can you send them back to me – so that I can send them to you again …

… and with that the line went dead.

… destroying ‘Have I Got News For You’. After the sacking of Angus Deayton (Deaton) in a knee jerk reaction because said Angus had sex – calm down here Pau – with consenting females and was alleged to have snorted – stuff – totally unproven – and the allegees made lots of money selling the story – the story is impossible to prove – or not to prove.

I am also concerned that the first story was told by a prostitute – has she no professional standards? – should she not be severely censored by the professional prostitution bodies – and her license taken away.

… well going back to the show – Boris Johnson – conservative MP – editor of the Spectator – all round good chap – clear proof the PG WodeHouse was in fact writing serious biographical novels – and not the humour books we previously thought. Is Boris as stupid and clumsy as he appears – or his he a clever act?

… anyway Boris demonstrated that he could not read an auto cue – he cannot control the – subdued Paul Merton – note to Jane Lush – this one of the key assets of the show – Paul Merton reacting to a chairman that can control him – mostly – and Boris demonstrated that he can wreck up the structure – by incompetence – or pretended incompetence.

One of the guests Steven K Amos – a brilliant standup – a great actor – see him compare the toughest venue in Britain – Late and Live – in Edinburgh – where drunken Scots, drunken yobs and the drunken care in the community – hurl abuse – and worse at the performers – Steven K – can control them – calm them – and get them eating out of his hand – in the Coliseum – he would have been telling the lions – to sit – and they would sit – and purr – well he just wasn’t allowed in the game – as the so called host – was taking all the limelight.

The show was a subdued shambles – and guess what – you’re going to have Charles Kennedy on as host soon – these decisions are just unbelievable – is this a deliberate ploy to wreck the show? – has there been political pressure to get the show pulled? – or are the people in charge of the show – from another planet? – or do they think that pals from the Groucho Club – can just walk in.

The show needs the return of Angus Deayton – or someone strong – to control Paul and Ian – and yet smart enough to know when to shut up – when Paul rants. As politically they can’t let – well they would have to admit they got it wrong – wouldn’t they – they someone like Angela Rippon – who would be good – or someone like Stephen K – experienced in stand up – who could control it – but would be very different from Angus.

and just out of interest who wrote the blurb on the BBC listings website

Another exciting round of the topical news quiz with prince of the put-down Ian Hislop and joker of the pack Paul Merton is not how I would describe the show.

The Sun has obviously lost a brilliant headline writer – but on second thoughts … erm .. no they haven’t.

One benefit of having my car stolen is that I have to walk more. I actually walked a whole mile to have my hair cut – more of a search, find and bring back the missing hairs mission. The baber is nice and tradional – he doesn’t talk much – and hides as much as he can of the bald patch when showing me the back with his mirror.

As a result I have found two new restaurants – including an Afro-Caribbean one with an amazing menu.

So the pounds that come off – may get put back on again.

You should have stopped at the last bus stop.

No I shouldn’t – you should have rung the bell.

Buses should always stop at designated bus stops.

No they shouldn’t.

You *&£!ing b*stard.

Don’t you talk to me like that.

Bus stops – woman gets off – and screams something else as bus moves off.

Oh the joy of public transport.

and the bell on this bus goes burp.

… remember me – my car was stolen?

… and you told me it was only worth – which is not enough to buy a replacement car – well one where I won’t be absolutely ripped off – as your guy said – independent dealers are a bit riskier – and a seven year old car in good condition – well that’s rare – and there was not an equivalent car on the internet.

… so you do remember.

… well I don’t have a car and I can’t afford a replacement at the moment so ,,,

… well I want to cancel my insurance as I don’t have a car to drive – and I can’t afford to buy a new one …

… well you’ve not given me enough money for a new one – and I do want want one that’s reliable – so I’m going to have to get a job – and older people don’t get jobs that easy…

… so can I cancel the policy?

… no – as I’ve made a claim I can’t cancel – even if I don’t have a car to drive?.

… well it that case can I suspend the policy as I’m not driving a car.

… the only car I am likely to drive is my wife’s and I’m already covered by you on that policy.

… you’re not – can I have your name – oh you’ll put me through to some one else

… hello – I used to like Vivaldi…

… you’re claims people already have all the documentation – or they wouldn’t have give me that very small cheque (check)

… I’m glad the computer recognises me.

… fill in more forms – OK – and then you’ll consider it.

Thank you.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well she is on a diet – she is going to Weight Watchers tomorrow – she is concerend about her figure. She did go out last night -and – there wasn’t much on the TV. And there were only two slices – I thought I was being helpful – helping her avoid temptation – helping tidy the kitchen. But…

… she didn’t seem to appreciate my support – and sacrifice – by eating the last two pieces of chocolate cake.

See this image in the current edition of Private Eye taken from our ‘No Need to Boast’ article in the archives.

Link: Private Eye web site

I actually agree that some modernisation of the fire service is reasonable. It seems to me ridiculous that the fire brigade should have a separate control from the police and ambulance service. There probably are more efficient ways of organising shifts.

However 78% of the budget goes on personnel – and I get the impression that fire engines and modern communication equipment are not that cheap.

Most of the time firemen are not putting out fires – and most of the fires they do put out – are lets face it – small – chip pan fires – rubbish bins – but …

… on a Sunday morning – when I was – as station manager’s clerk – in charge of Paddington Station – the alarm went off – and within minutes – three fire engines turned up – OK – a fire alarm glass had cracked – no problem – but – what if that had been a real fire – then the brigades’ prompt action would have saved thousands? – millions? property costs – and probably many lives.

My mother’s retirement complex – again false alarm – and once a small fire – quickly put out – but – if the fire had caught – who would have got all the people out????

Fireman are needed for the exception – not the norm. The big fire – the chemical spillage – the multi- car pile up – the flood – need a full team – to deal with the incident – deal with the people – deal with the mess.

To reduce the fire fighting team means – there is less manpower – means less backup to the front line fire fighters – means there is less men to give the front line a rest – means there is more risk to the team – means more risk to the public – more risk to buildings, more risk full stop.

The job has got more complicated – more chemicals – worse traffic conditions – risks of radio-activity – risks of terrorists. And lets face it – the public is less supportive – less aware of what to do in an emergency – its someone else’s problem after all – ain’t it – and more yobs making – more malicious calls.

The government by making Britain the prime terrorist target – who’s going to bomb the US – when you can hit us – and we’re not going be able to hit back – like the States – let’s face it we can’t – we don’t have the resources – and George Bush – OK – he will express concern – sorry – but will use the attack as an excuse for his other plans – like attacking Iraq – and controlling their oil – and winning his re-election – and showing he’s better than dad – but what he won’t do – he won’t risk American lives to avenge British deaths.

So why is the government fighting the fire brigade at a time like this – when the risks of a major attack are high – very high.

I believe its partially a cock up. I believe there was a lack of understanding of firemen. I believe the Treasury is playing a game. I believe the firemen were seen as a group easily beatable – to teach the rest of the public sector – not to mess with the big boys. I believe it is Gordon Brown setting up friend Tony – so that he will take damage hits – and Gordon can work towards the goal of – becoming Prime Minister. I believe that the government think they can spin – and spin – and spin – and win.

The agreed 16% pay offer – linked to some cost saving was blocked in July – this is the only reason the strike is on.

Now the game seems to be to hit the brigade hard. To win a battle with the union. To show who is boss. To force a severe reduction in manpower. This plan needs to be costed. Not only in money terms but …

… how many firemen’s lives, lost, are acceptable for the cost savings?

………………….how many public lives, lost, are acceptable for the cost savings?