... no longer goes ding a ling a ling. It sort of just goes clunk and a remote sign lights up. The people on the bus looked so unhappy and almost scared. Don't hit me. Don't punch me and please don't - whatever you do - talk to me. The bus got me into town too early. So I ended up going to a coffee bar - and read the Daily Mail - which is all Continue Reading

I was of the generation that 'gay outing' meant a lively picnic, with a strong possibility of bread being thrown around. The government has now come up with the term otpotss which stands for "orientation towards people of the same sex" to replace the term 'homosexual' in government anti-discrimination legislation. Apparently homosexual is too Continue Reading

One of the prize winners in this year's Ig® Nobel Awards has done in depth research and found, to my amazement that you're more likely to have 'Belly Button Lint' if you're male, older and hairy. Link Belly Button Lint Survey Homepage The Ig® Nobel Prizes are given out to academics that 'done things that first make people LAUGH, then make them Continue Reading

I've joined a government sponsored 'job club' which is supposed to help me get a job. The training is OK, but not dynamic. Still it is helping in that it forces me to look at my strategy objectively. I have had to junk most of most qualifications and minimise my experience and conceal my age. Anyway yesterday we merged groups with a compulsory Continue Reading

Some work for insurance companies My car was stolen. I have had the interview where the nice girl was throwing out rope to allow me to trip myself up - maybe I didn't have all the keys to the car - maybe I was letting letting strange people use the car - maybe I left the car unlocked - maybe with a sign on it saying 'steal this.' I then sent off Continue Reading

Al Murray ... well still feeling fragile I saw Al Murray at Richmond Theatre. It was an amazing performance as it was just himself on stage. He was very clever in picking on members of the audience and from their names or jobs building up whole routines. He kept back to his targets throughout his act. His act is based on the twisted logic Continue Reading

... people came lots. People mixed - which was good and I got erm - very - erm I started off well - drinking sensibly - but there was booze in the kitchen and - well - as host - why don't I get you a drink - and one for me at the same time - by the time I realised it was too late to stop - it was too late too stop. I hugged quite a few people Continue Reading

Um Bongo, Um Bongo, They drink it in the Congo You know all the words to "Ice Ice Baby". You really, really wanted to be on "Jim'll Fix It". You were led to believe that in the year 2000 we'd all be living in space. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before he had plastic surgery. You had one of those T-shirts that changed Continue Reading

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as bad as this one Continue Reading