Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!

Drink: Beer

Personality: Causal, low-maintenance; down to earth.

Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks

Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.

Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her servant.

Drink: Mixed Drinks

Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows exactly what she wants.

Your Approach: You won’t have to approach her. If she’s interested, she’ll send you a drink.

Drink: White Wine

Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.

Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.

Drink: Red Wine

Personality: Sensual and intellectual;

Your Approach: Talk art – DH Lawrence

Drink: White Zinfandel

Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually she has no clue.

Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is…this should be an easy target.

Drink: Shots

Personality: Laddette – likes to hang with the rugby crowd – looking to get totally drunk…and naked.

Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!

Drink: Tequila

No explanations required — everyone knows what happens here.

Domestic Beer: He’s poor and wants to get laid.

Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.

Wine: He’s hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.

Whiskey: He doesn’t give a damn about anything but getting laid.

Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.

Merlot: He’s gay.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”

— That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a handsome guy. One of your friends goes up to him and pointing at you says, “She’s fantastic in bed.”

— That’s Advertising.

You see a handsome guy at a party. You go up to him and get his telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”

— That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You get up and straighten your dress. You walk up to him and pour him a drink. You say, “May I,” and reach up to straighten his tie, brushing your breast lightly against his arm, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

— That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. He walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

— That’s Brand Recognition.

You’re at a party and see a handsome guy. You talk him into going home with your friend.

— That’s a Sales Rep.

Your friend can’t satisfy him so he calls you.

— That’s Tech Support.

You’re on your way to a party when you realize that there could be handsome men in all of these houses that you’re passing. You climb onto the roof of one of the houses and shout, at the top of your lungs, “I’m fantastic in bed!”

— That’s Spam.

from the in box

Tony Blair’s win in parliament – where around a third of all MPs voted against him – shows that the guy is more concerned with his personal links with America – than with the interests of Britain – the Labour Party – or the rule of law.

It is a sad fact that the French and Russians have to fight to prevent British and American troops plus tens of thousands of Iraqis being sent into a war – where some delay – to allow the weapon inspectors do their job properly – could completely neutralise Saddam’s activities – and – could give time for regime change – or – for Saddam to negotiate a safe exit from the country.

The French and Russians are not ruling out force – but just wanting a bit more time – to allow for negotiation or compliance. This would then give us a period of around September – when Iraq is starting to get cooler – to launch attacks – if necessary – in better fighting conditions. It would also give the British military time to get their equipment up to standard.

That is – if we are to believe the politicians – and their moral cause. Of course we may be attacking because Iraq has oil – and the Americans want to steal this from the Iraqis – and steal the French and Russian investment in oil in Iraq – which amounts to billions. I wonder if that is a factor in their making this stance.

Whatever – Britain is not going to benefit – so why are we there? Because of Tony.

The only way we are going to halt our involvement is to get rid of Tony Blair.

TB is a liability to the country – he is costing us tens of millions which will benefit America – not the UK. We need to get rid of him. I urge the MPs – I urge the constituency parties – I urge the lords – get rid of TB – Get rid of TB.

TB is a disease

REMOVE HIM

In Frankfurt they are planning to introduce a law making all dogs wear what is effectively a licence plate so that the public can report owners – well dogs – that are doing the business – without being scooped. The next thing they will be introducing is – ‘On the Jobbie Fines’.

Linked to this i had always thought that castration would be the most effective way of stopping aggressive behaviour of dogs -such as pitballs. However I am informed that the European Court of Human Rights will not allow to harm the owners. Shame.

How many surrealist post modernists does it take to change a light bulb

Erm – I don’t know

What did the girl with the big breasts say to the Post – modernist.

I don’t know I wasn’t there.

There was an English Post-modernist, an Irish Post-modernist and a Scottish Post-modernist and they all went into a pub.

And they had a drink.

Post -modernism – Sorry

Name a famous Post – modernist?

Foucault

Well be like that then