On the car barrier going into a car park.

Please leave your valuables clearly visible – signed Rupert the car thief.

Far more effective than the normal warnings.

Incidentally what’s happened to Poole – small town – next to Bournemouth – on the south coast of England. It was horrible – the quay was so quiet – the horrible cafes were mostly shut – they’ve halved the area of Poole Pottery and the pubs – all shut – cept for the one with all the people with tattoos.

Eventually went to Branksome Chime – right next to the sea – five miles down the coast – to a very posh tea room – I used to work there several centuries ago – when I was young – selling ice cream. Now tea is supplied in white china teapots – and – the service is more professional – than – but not as friendly – as when I was there.

I’ve finally got a new Ka – just that’s right – its a Ford car – called Ka. This causes people problems – so – if I say – I’ve got a new Ka – people ask me – what type? So I now say I have a new Ford car – K A. So other people now think I have a Ford Kay Ay. Are well.

The car – Ka – goes well. I’ve called it the ‘Tardis’ after Doctor Who – larger on the inside – than it looks on the outside. Well my son – about 6 foot tall – was OK in the back. Its navy coloured – if you’re interested – well to be honest – it will still be navy – even if you’re not interested – so there.

I had got increasingly paranoid – that’s I’m more paranoid – than usual – and my BT broadband was getting worse than dialing up the net from my laptop. Yesterday was bad – nothing seemed to work. This morning all my sites were down – couldn’t even access my hosting service – not even with cuteftp – which was a problem – as my account code – which I needed – to phone up the nice support service – is on the system – so – I’ve relearnt the need of backup – and documentation.

Anyway I finally found out that BT was upgrading their broadband – and it appears that my system is working properly – and in fact – its working faster than what it was – quite a lot faster in fact. So in fact I’ll be starting up the Odtaa Files again.

Oh am I embarrassed? By the Richard and Judy show on Channel 4 (UK) of all people. They did a brilliant spoof. They had this guy who had developed a gadget called the Babylon. It had two loudspeakers each with a button with the British and German flags. This gadget was able to receive speech in say English and if you then pressed the button – the words would not only be translated – but would come out in your own voice in the other language.

Oh on our drive home – all the way from Bournemouth – what a fantastic gadget – we reckoned they would sell it at about £250 – but that it would drop to around £30 over the next few years. Then using the technology – you could have phones – where you speak in one language and it appears that you are talking in another. And – why it would be easy to get it to translate into text for mobile phones – and on and on.

It wasn’t until Southampton – it dawned – April 1st – we have been had – well and truly – well done Richard and Judy.

Syndicat d’ Nationale Kalorique – Avril 1, 2003

eip infected motherboard

URGENT FISH VIRUS ALERT

Syndicat d’ Nationale Kalorique (S d’NK) the leading French Montpelier based research company developing the radical ‘electronic induced perfumery’ technology – eip – has announced that one of its ex-employees – technicians Pierre d’Estrangier – has incorporated its technology to provide a new form of PC virus – which the French have named the Virius de Poission – or ‘Fish Virus’ in English.

The Fish Virus is spread by mutating it with other viruses. Once in the PC it is difficult to detect by normal virus protection software. The easiest way to detect it is to switch on the computer – use it normally for about half an hour – and then to see if there is a smell of bad fish coming out of any of the ventilation slots.

French scientists are working on a solution to this problem – but are being hampered by lack of support from some American experts – because of the anti- French feeling at present.

TECHNICAL NOTE

eip works by controlling the heating of different electronic elements within an electronic system. S d’NK is developing systems to improve the atmosphere in air conditioned offices and public areas and is also working on developments such as the ‘happy’ and the ‘romantic’ mobile phones – which would effect the mood of the user and a ‘productive’ lap top computer – where the appropriate essence would make the user feel positive and confident.

eip stimulates the electronic system by using very fast pules mega and giga Hertz and conflicting those with very slow pulses unaHertz and decaHertz. This conflict causes specific elements to heat resulting in e-essence.

&copy 2003 the Odtaa Files

A first for the Odtaa Files. Below are two black squares – ‘Sample A’ and ‘Sample B’. One is a square filled with the normal internet colour black – the other uses a very clever programming algorithm to produce the ultimate ‘Super Black’ – which is the theoretical blackness of a black hole – and has been calculated recently by scientists at the National Physical Laboratory in west London.

Look at the two squares and you will see after a few minutes that one is definately blacker than the other. To check you have the right one – point your mouse to the top left hand corner of the square – press the left key down – and drag down – the writing underneath will display the correct square.