Frontline Al-Qaeda suspects looking at the 15:05 from Euston Trainspotters are now considered the top terrorist threat - what with their writing down of numbers of trains and making notes of how many wheels the engine has - and taking photographs of stations - and keeping the anorak business in - er - business - and supporting railway Continue Reading

The above advertisement was banned for being in bad taste. Apparently we can't had tasteful corpses advertising Channel Four's new series '6 Foot Under' - however - we can see lots of really tasteless stuff in the tabloids day after day after day - in fact - there is quite a lot of sleaze on Channel Four - which is far, far worse - but only very Continue Reading

Hi George, Hi Tony Hey Donald get me a coffee - white - no sugar - there's a good boy. Well erm - we've looked into the matter and - erm - the actual translation was 'Weapons of Moss Destruction' - erm - and they are selling packets of the stuff at the 'Abdul Al -Tichmarsh - Mother of All Gardening Center' - 20 miles south of Baghdad on the Continue Reading

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You can't make a feel good movie and more 'feel gooder' than Mostly Martha. Obsessive gourmet chef, Martha. has her world turned upside down when she has to take care of newly orphaned niece Lina. This pressure in turn means that she has to let a handsome Italian chef disrupt first her extremely well run kitchen and then her life. Lina makes her Continue Reading

growing a beard. Well if Sean Connery can grow one - why can't I? What do you mean - some things work for Sean Connery - won't work for me? So you're suggesting that I'm growing a beard to compensate for growing thin on top? Of course I am - what else? After all I was 21 when Woodstock happened erm - no - I wasn't there - but hair is Continue Reading

It was a nice pleasant morning. I phoned my mother to see how she was getting on. Stupidly I mentioned my daughter who was at uni - was giving up her flat and coming home . She got thrown out as she was too untidy - you didn't teach her to clear up - she should have had more discipline when she was young - etc - etc - etc. Won't she have to Continue Reading

So there I was - naked to the waist - top down you'll be glad to hear - with - both my trouser legs rolled up above the knees - holding a bell. So now I know what its like to be a freemason. On my shoulder were 3 pins - on my wrist one - and on my legs around six. Told to clear my mind of everything - to get cool karma - I thought about " Continue Reading

'Welcome to Collinwood" is like a Ealing Comedy directed by the Coen brothers. It is a gentle caper film set - very much on the wrong side of the tracks - in the fifties - in the district of Collinwood - which could be called - 'The Beirut of Cleveland'. The first part of the film shows the setting up of a perfect robbery - in local parlance a Continue Reading