The spider’s dead.

My best friend gone. Arghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

Incy, wincy – well no – a bloody big one actually is living on the shelf in our toilet – well the room that contains the toilet. He’s living in a large plastic container which we keep the dying cactus in – I forgot to take it out after decorating.

Well I was going to obliterate him when I first saw him – but it was late and I was tired and I was deperate for a pee. So I sorta left him alone.

I keep forgetting about him – until such times as I need to go for a pee and usually that is not the time i want to go hunting. Well not until I’ve washed my hands – by which time there is usually something fascinating to do – like drink tea – which sorta starts the cycle.

Anyway he’s been there for two weeks and last night I was working to two in the morning – then went to the loo and I couldn’t see him. But after looking for awhile i could see he was hiding from the light behind the dead catus plant.

So now we’re sorta of friends – I couldn’t bring myself to kill him and I’d kinda miss him when working late – when there’s just me and spider awake.

And anyhow Spiderman was my mostest, bestest favourite American comic book hero.

Find Spam and other games – such as Guess the Dictator or the Dada Server on the www.smalltime.com site.

A good site to spend many happy hours.

Murder Report – Lot’s Wife

DNA investigations show that a pile of salt found on the roadside close to Sodom City confirm that they are the remains of suspected murder victim Lot’s Wife.

This murder seems to be associated with a break down in law and order within the city following the celebrations after the Annual Sodom Pride March. This regular event has in recent years attracted a lot of opposition – mostly from people from outside the city.

Lot was told to leave the city and to take his family with him – by a person, part of a gang known as ‘The Angels’, who all dress in an all white uniform. Lot was specifically warned to leave there and then and not look back.

There then appears to have been a mass attack on the celebrations, causing wide spread destruction, injury and deaths. The excuse for the attacks was that the celebrations were sinful.

Lot’s wife looked back at the attacks and was immediately struck by a weapon of mass destruction which instantly turned her body into its component minerals. Lot, terrified, lead his two daughters to safety away from the area. He later reported the attack to the government security agency.

Investigations suggest that the Angel gang are lead by person known as Jehovah, among his many aliases. He is linked to many other acts of destruction and other acts contrary to state regulations.

We are unable to clarify whether the attacks were just sheer vandalism or were part of a more sinister motive, such as controlling crime syndicates within Sodom or possibly the celebration organisers failed to pay protection money.

We are also receiving reports that a similar attack has taken place on the nearby City of Gomorrah, which is very disturbing and as this appears to be a trend we are drafting in a large detachment of troops to improve safety in the province.

We also have grave concern of the weapon used in the attack. We have no experience of this weapon and need to trace it quickly. We are concerned that there appears to be an organisation importing illegal weapons into the region. I need hardly to remind you of the ‘Jericho Incident’ and the destruction of the city wall by another new form of weaponry.

We believe that the cause of Lot’s wife death was that she was able to identify one or more perpetrators of the crime. This suggests that they are known to Lot and I suggest that he be questioned – though I do not suspect him of being involved.

To Be and to Have
Etre et Avoir

A simple film – well not really a film – a beautiful documentary.

This is a year in the life of a French teacher monsieur Lopez – who runs a one man – one room rural school – teaching both infants and juniors in the district of Puy-de-Dome.

There is some remarkable film as the children and teacher seem not to notice the camera crew. Lopez works by setting one group of students work – while he works with another group.

He has amazing patience as he gradually persuades the younger children to read or do maths. His approach to discipline is to be firm but to talk through problems in a gradual way – tackling two of the older boys who had had a fight or the mischievous JoJo – well there always has to be one like him in a class.

JoJo always in trouble – always the center of attention – immediately became star. As did Alize – a little girl – very laid back – fantastic when she worries because someone has taken one of her erasers.

The film also showed some of the life of the area – the farming and the life of some of the children – the boy who is a bit aggressive – actually works like an adult on his parents farm – at 11 driving a tractor and cooking meals for his sister. One of the most hilarious scenes in the film was when his family tried to help him with maths.

All is not perfect – one of the pupil’s father has cancer. One of the girls – although a good student is very withdrawn and it is great how their teacher deals with these problems.

The film hit me as it reminded me how when I was lecturing in the early days we had the time and structure to spend more time dealing with problems – building confidence – building awareness of a student’s potential. Which has now been destroyed by larger classes and a more prescriptive curriculum – so that you are more concerned with achieving dozens of petty little goals by virtual rote teaching – so that you don’t time – you don’t have the framework to develop students properly.

So the film was nice to see that someone still is in a position to be able to teach – as teachers should teach. It would be an idea for all politicians to see this film to get an idea of what teaching is really about.

Its an absolutely lovely film – please see it – and at my favourite cinema – Richmond Filmhouse.

On the way home I stopped for chips and cake on a very sunny Richmond Green.

When I got home younger daughter had robbed bottles of red wine and was entertaining her friends in the garden.

So a Good Night for all – but what about the kitchen?

If life is boring travel by bus. On the bus back from Richmond today – as my bus was pulling out – a Jaguar car tried to aggressively overtake and got upset that he had to pull back.

He then overtook the bus – going blind around the corner and then braked violently – stopping his car diagonally across the road. His electric window down and he started swearing at the driver.

The driver just yelled at him – get out the way – and there was a large cheer from the passengers. The Jaguar driver obviously heard it and his car suddenly sped off.

The atmosphere on the bus became almost party like.

We got talking to a guy who was travelling to Hampton Court to check out the restaurants to take his new girlfriend next week. He’s too good for her

As I was walking down the pavement on a quiet sunny afternoon. I heard a shout.

‘Who the hell do you think you are?’

‘Get out of my fucking way.’

‘Bikes have got priority over cars.’

‘You bitch.’

‘Move’

The cyclist then maneuvered round the car and road off extremely fast – narrowly missing me as he carried on his way – illegally riding down the pavement (sidewalk) at speed.

The poor driver was coming out of a driveway – very slowly – and if the idiot had not been travelling so fast there would have been no problem. He certainly had no concern about my safety.

Still life is too short. As is my hair – I had just had a haircut.

On the TV there was a program about being stressed. They started with the ‘Stress Test’.

The first question was:

Do you have difficulty making decisions?

The answers were

1 – Never

2 – Occaisionally

3 – Frequently

4 – Always

and you know

I couldn’t work out what to answer.

The new ‘Human Relations Director’ signs the death knell of more employees.

Last night I went to my public speaking club – Toastmasters – where you are able to practice giving short speeches and learn how to speak off the cuff. It is also a good social group with a wide variety of people.

Well last night I gave what was my sixth speech – where the way I used words was the target. Rather than give a conventional speech I told the story of a Roman auxiliary – that’s in the Roman Empire – that’s in the first century AD.

I gave the story of one of the survivors of the Vasius defeat by the German tribes. Travelling – staggering – through the woods and a short brutal fight with a local tribe. Although outnumbered our side win as we had a group of slingers – those that use sling shot – a new weapon to the tribesman.

Interesting quite a few people in the audience did not get the reference when I used the Roman greeting ‘Ave’. So when i was talking about Germanic tribes some assumed I was talking about one of the World Wars.

On the whole the performance went OK. Although I missed a great punch line – ‘We entered the clearing a rabble and came out the a fighting unit.’ But in a performance like that you are bound to miss something.

The other two speeches were good – one using gestures – had a discussion with two imaginary people – one always negative and one always positive – the other on Roosevelt’s New Deal. Then there were the short one minute speeches – there was a great one on London being the most expensive capital city and a great one – should people who do stupid things – like row boats across the Pacific – be rescued – the answer was yes – but the fee should be negotiated – before they are picked up.