Murder Report – Lot’s Wife

DNA investigations show that a pile of salt found on the roadside close to Sodom City confirm that they are the remains of suspected murder victim Lot’s Wife.

This murder seems to be associated with a break down in law and order within the city following the celebrations after the Annual Sodom Pride March. This regular event has in recent years attracted a lot of opposition – mostly from people from outside the city.

Lot was told to leave the city and to take his family with him – by a person, part of a gang known as ‘The Angels’, who all dress in an all white uniform. Lot was specifically warned to leave there and then and not look back.

There then appears to have been a mass attack on the celebrations, causing wide spread destruction, injury and deaths. The excuse for the attacks was that the celebrations were sinful.

Lot’s wife looked back at the attacks and was immediately struck by a weapon of mass destruction which instantly turned her body into its component minerals. Lot, terrified, lead his two daughters to safety away from the area. He later reported the attack to the government security agency.

Investigations suggest that the Angel gang are lead by person known as Jehovah, among his many aliases. He is linked to many other acts of destruction and other acts contrary to state regulations.

We are unable to clarify whether the attacks were just sheer vandalism or were part of a more sinister motive, such as controlling crime syndicates within Sodom or possibly the celebration organisers failed to pay protection money.

We are also receiving reports that a similar attack has taken place on the nearby City of Gomorrah, which is very disturbing and as this appears to be a trend we are drafting in a large detachment of troops to improve safety in the province.

We also have grave concern of the weapon used in the attack. We have no experience of this weapon and need to trace it quickly. We are concerned that there appears to be an organisation importing illegal weapons into the region. I need hardly to remind you of the ‘Jericho Incident’ and the destruction of the city wall by another new form of weaponry.

We believe that the cause of Lot’s wife death was that she was able to identify one or more perpetrators of the crime. This suggests that they are known to Lot and I suggest that he be questioned – though I do not suspect him of being involved.

We have had a disturbing report from the traffic police. A well respected tax collector – Paul of Tarsus – was speeding on the approach road to Damascus – we believe he must have been travelling at over 20 cubits an hour – when he was flashed by a traffic lantern.

He fell off his camel and was found in a confused state and taken to the nearby Damascus Hospital A&E department. After being kept in over night – he exhibited a complete personality change – kept on insisting his name was Paul – and discharged himself. He then left his job – started travelling around – and kept writing – what are called missives – to all and sundry – using green ink.

Doctors are not able to say whether this is a mental breakdown or drug related. However there concern that the incident is connected with the Christian sect – which is a group of people we strongly suspect of criminal behaviour.

In the beginning was God.

And God said ‘Let there be Light’

… and there was Light.

And God said ‘Separate the light from the darkness’.

… and the light separated from the darkness. God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night.

And God said, ‘Let the waters under the heavens be gathered together into one place, and let the dry land appear.’

… and God saw the land appear on a world of oceans.

And God said, ‘Let the earth put forth vegetation, plants yielding seed, and fruit trees bearing fruit in which is their seed, each according to its kind, upon the earth.’

… and the earth brought forth vegetation, plants and trees bearing fruit. And God saw that it was good.

And God said, ‘Let the waters bring forth swarms of living creatures, and let birds fly above the earth across the firmament of the heavens.’

… and God created the great sea monsters and every living creature that moves under the sea.

And God said, “Let the earth bring forth cattle and creeping things and beasts of the earth.

And God made the beasts of the earth and the cattle and everything that creeps upon the ground.

And God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness; and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps upon the earth.”

… but at his point Mrs God shouted – your dinner’s ready – and its getting cold.

God called back ‘But dear – I need to finish my work.’

‘Come down now.’ shouted Mrs God ‘You’re dinner’s getting cold.’

God hurriedly made man and then went downstairs.

‘Why can’t you get a proper job – like all the other deities’ complained Mrs God ‘I don’t know – up there in the attic – messing about with all those lights and things – its not a proper job.’

‘Yes dear’ said God in a sad voice.

from the files of Pontius Pilate – Jerusalem AD/BC

Further investigation into the suspect suggests that his natural father could be a major cause of concern. We know the father is known by many aliases including Jehovah and Emmanuel. He is well known locally – but impossible to find. He seems to be very influential. He is suspected of running a gang – including Gabriel – suspected of supplying drugs to shepherds and another associate Satan – who is believed to have fallen out with his boss to form a rival gang. People also talk about the ‘host’ – which we believe is some form of protection racket.

We know the father was either responsible, or certainly associated with, the use of biological weapons of mass destruction in Egypt – the three plagues – and was involved in the attacks and riots in Sodom and Gomorra – which we believe was an attack on rival racketeers – in addition we are seeking him for the disappearance and believed murder of Lot’s wife.

We are still trying to work out what was happening in the ‘Great Flood’ incident – why the area was flooded? and what his believed associate, Noah, was doing with a collection of animals – we have yet to understand – the excuse of saving the animals for breeding – seemed a bit far fetched – and the suspicion of planning to start up an illegal theme park is speculative.

We are also looking for him in our investigation into the smuggling of weapons to those attacking the city of Jericho – the destruction to the city walls is still a mystery to our military experts. The explanation that the walls fell down because of the poor quality of the Joshua’s music is laughable.

An alert has been sent out and anyone apprehending the self styled ‘God’ will be greatly rewarded. A minimum reward of 30 pieces of silver will be given as a reward.

from the files of Pontius Pilate – Jerusalem AD/BC

The suspect was born in poor circumstances – family homeless – mother had to get married and husband not natural father.

The family were under suspicion for the gifts given to the family – by members of a group known as ‘the Wise Men’. No satisfactory explanation can be given for the origins of the gold – it is noted that there were a series of thefts from Roman official’s villas – however nothing could be proven. Frankincense was being sold off cheaply in the markets – we believe from a smuggling gang from Syria. The Myrrh could have been stolen off the back of a wagon as ‘Fingers’ Wise Man will – as seen by his files – take anything not nailed down.

There was also the suspicion – again not proven – that illegal drug taking – the cousins from the country and the ‘Wise Man’ gang both reported bright lights – disembodied voices and were obviously hallucinating about a character called Gabrielle – giving them instructions. The cousins were so disorientated they left their flocks without supervision – which were then attacked by a wolf – and as a consequence they were unable to pay their full level of taxes.

The Suspect then trained as a builder like his father – but we were able to find little evidence – of his working – or paying taxes. However he was able to maintain a relatively high standard of living.

Although there was no proof we suspect he was running a catering business. On one occasion we found around 5,000 people eating a fish supper – the only catering establishment being a stall run by the Suspect. He claimed that most of the people had brought their own food and showed that he only had invoices for the delivery of five fish and five loaves. Due to lack of evidence the case was not followed up.

On another occasion he was suspected of catering for a wedding party. He claimed he was doing it for free. There was a suspicion that he was deliberately avoided paying the newly introduced wine tax – by supplying wine in water pitchers. When challenged he denied all knowledge and the only explanation he was able to offer was that it was a miracle. By the time soldiers arrived at the scene the evidence was drunk and therefore the matter was dropped.

Other incidents in his life include the fight at the synagogue over a pitch for stalls – charges of claiming to be a doctor and there were a number of suspicious instant cures – and there was the bet that he could walk on water. We have no explanation of how this was done – but suspect some sort of platform under the water – it was known at this period he was friendly with a group of fisherman – and they could have easily rigged something.

We are not sure what led to his downfall – he came in to town – on a festival day – and was extremely popular – three days later everyone was against him. We suspect he must have sold them something that didn’t work. All we know is that he had a banquet with 12 friends and that they ran out of money. He set a colleague, Judas, out to collect 30 silver pieces. Judas – clearly fed up – reported the incident to the city authorities – and was willing to help us convict him. Judas was subsequently found hanged – and although suicide was the formal explanation – we suspect foul play.

The Suspect was arrested – charged – and on the evidence of many in the trial convicted. We were willing – and in fact suggested a custodial sentence – but the local population wanted him to receive the death penalty. He was consequently sentenced to death with a thief and murderer.

He appeared to die and was taken to a tomb – three days later there were reports that he was seen in the locality and then nothing was heard about him. We suspect that his death was faked and that he has subsequently left the territory. We have concerns that his gang and other supporters are still well organised and I advise my successors to watch this group carefully as believe they have potential to cause problems in the fuure.