Seeing the sexual encounters in the programme ‘Download Sex’ got me thinking. Americans, Europeans and we English all have different approaches to orgies. Americans are very enthusiastic and seem to work as part of a team, everyone seems to know what to do instinctively; the Europeans are more laid back and a little more selfish and we English – well.
I have been to parties where sex has taken place – so people tell me. My main, ie only, orgy was in Berlin in the very late sixties. It was a ‘Love in’, which we pseudo hippies all supported as a way of expressing freedom, challenging convention and with a remote possibility of getting laid. (Priorities may not be in the order they are expressed)
The ‘Love In’ was in a set of cellars, under an old, large building in February. That means it was damp and cold, with inadequate heating paraffin heaters. There were Joss sticks, perfumed candles, the fumes from the heaters, cigarette smoke and the sweet smell of what is described by the police as ‘certain substances’ – you young people don’t know what passive smoking really is.
So there I was in this dimly lit, cold, damp room which was full of naked Germans all wearing socks, the floor was concrete. Scattered here and there were old mattresses. As I got used to the light I could see about six girls and around fourteen men.
And there was me – naked – in a room full of strangers. The old fears of being in the school changing rooms did not help, nor the coldness, which was making me even more self conscious that I was not holding up the flag for Britain.
My knowledge of German was not great and mainly gained from the first two chapters of ‘Mr Muller visits the Trade Fair’, or to use its German version ‘Mr Muller the Trade Fair visits’ did not equip me well for this session. ‘Good Day’, ‘My name is’, ‘A white coffee with cream and a cake, thank you’ were not phrases I could readily use in this situation.
I moved towards a group around a girl, but these Continentals, push, shove and do not understand how to queue properly.
So after half an hour, cold, miserable and probably the most embarrassed I ever been, I got dress and left.
I then met in a student bar this really fantastic looking girl. I spent a depressing few hours listening about depression, the depressing state of the world and how we were all doomed – an amazing common topic of conversation in Germany. Well you’ve got to laugh haven’t you.