… erm sorry George – but you really are going to have to postpone the war on Iraq – you see – we have – erm – a slight problem with military supplies – erm it seems that as was reported in the Odtaa Files – October 31st – erm well the British army – hasn’t got any boots.
Well strictly speaking that’s not completely right – we have boots size 1 and size 7 – which means we can equip a few soldiers – in fact we have given some soldiers two left boots. There is also the other problem George – which is – that their – erm – boots – we do have – erm – melt in the desert.
OK – I know – the army surplus stores are full of old British army boots – that have been tested in deserts – but they are not the same as the new standard issue boots – which are the only ones we authorised to give our troops.
So if you need support – we can send troops in bare feet or in trainers. That’s if we can get our transport planes organised – and we can work out how to use our tanks in the sand – or we can figure out a way to keep our guns firing – and the troops can start getting their mobile phone contracts sorted – so that we’ve got at least some form of communication.
Love and kisses Tony